onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
