She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
