i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
