dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
