can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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