The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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