You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
