how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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