mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
