You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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