Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
