And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize