I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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