put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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