Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
