I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
