Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
