Your face is a jimmy john
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
