I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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