And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
