so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
