clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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