Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
