if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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