What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
