so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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