Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
