no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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