i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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