Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
