Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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