Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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