My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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