I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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