You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
