So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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