It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My dick has a subreddit
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
