I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
