just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
