sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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