I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
