Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
