you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
