hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
