ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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