Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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