A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
