my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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