My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize