I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
