god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
