hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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