If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Fuck appropriateness.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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