Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
