she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
