A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
