I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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