I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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