thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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