if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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