my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
