I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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