My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
