If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
