Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize