you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
