The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She told me I should be a condom model.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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