Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
