Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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