Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
