This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
