I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
