I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
