I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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