And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
