so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
