I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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