Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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