I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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