hotel room ftw
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They have beer where we have blood.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize