actually, I'm a sock model
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
