Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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