So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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