Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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