guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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