her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
