So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
