direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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