Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
