Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
