So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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