Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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